Why Sex Therapy?
When I tell folks that I'm a sex therapist, there are four questions that I'm usually asked almost immediately. (1) Why do people seek sex therapy? (2) Who goes to sex therapy? (3) What kinds of problems do people want help with? (4) What exactly is sex therapy?
Why do people seek sex therapy?
Over the course of a person's lifetime stress, trauma, illness, the side effects of medications, depression and lack of self-esteem can often negatively impact a person’s sexual functioning and desire. It is not uncommon for couples and individuals to experience sex-related challenges at some point in their lives. Everybody deserves to experience satisfying, exciting, loving and fulfilling sexual relationships and sexual contact and sex therapy can often help.
Who goes to sex therapy?
This list is not exhaustive, but some of the people who attend sex therapy are:
* Heterosexual men and women, singles or couples
* Gay, lesbian bisexual, transgendered and intersex individuals and couples
* Busy and exhausted parents who can't seem to find time for intimacy
* People in their 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's and beyond who have questions about their sexual functioning
* Sexual abuse survivors who want to have fulfilling sexual lives, but feel haunted by their past
* People re-entering the dating world after divorce or death of a long-time partner
* People in their early twenties who are embarking on their first serious sexual relationship
* Married men who cross-dress and whose wives either (a) don't know that they are married to cross-dressers or (b) have found out that their partners are cross-dressers and are scared, and/or confused and/or angry and/or upset.
* People who are sexually compulsive and feel that their compulsions are out of control.
* Individuals in a heterosexual relationship or marriage who are beginning to question their sexual orientation.
What kinds of problems do people want help with?
Some of the issues that sex therapy can help with are as follows:
* Difficulties either getting and/or keeping an erection
* Difficulties maintaining control of ejaculation or trouble with “timing”
* Inability to orgasm either alone or with a partner
* Finding the ability to relax and enjoy sexual activity a challenge
* Lack or loss of sexual desire
* Feelings of embarrassment or shame about your body and sexual functioning
* Painful intercourse (known as Dyspareunia)
* Involuntary spasming of the vagina (known as Vaginismus)
* History of sexual abuse, rape or threatened sexual trauma
* Intimacy and relationship problems that are affecting your sexual relationship
* When feeling bad about your body is negatively affecting your sexual life
* When you've been faking orgasms because you're too embarrassed or ashamed to talk about your difficulty climaxing
* When you find yourself passing on having sex with your partner because it's difficult to get and/or maintain erections
* You're so worried about "performing" that you avoid sexual intimacy
* Since having a baby, you're less interested in sex
* You want sex frequently and your partner isn't interested
* You don't want to have sex and you feel like your partner is constantly bugging you about it
* You feel like you spend too much time thinking or fantasizing about sex
* Having sex is painful and you feel hopeless about ever freely enjoying it
* You have questions about your sexuality and don't know who to ask
* Your partner wants an "open" relationship and you're unsure if you can handle it or even want to try
What exactly is sex therapy?
List most other forms of psychotherapy, sex therapy is exclusively talk therapy, which involves meeting with a therapist on a regular basis to talk about how to overcome whatever problem a person has identified. In exchange, the sex therapist shares his or her knowledge of human sexuality and expertise in working with sexual functioning and relationship challenges. Sex therapists are trained to diagnose the psychological origins of sexual issues and work to find solutions. This will often mean collaborative relationships with physicians whose specialty is sexual medicine.
Once the ice is broken and people feel more comfortable asking me about the work I do, they frequently ask if sex therapy involves me touching my clients in some way. The answer is a resounding NO! Despite common misconceptions, sex therapy does NOT involve sexual or physical contact between therapist and client. (Masters and Johnson used sex surrogates in their pioneering work in the 50's but this practice has long since been discontinued.) Sex therapy NEVER involves nudity, sexual contact or sexual touch between the client(s) and the sex therapist.
As with any form of therapeutic relationship, an ability to feel comfortable with a therapist is half the battle. Most sex therapists, including myself, take an extensive sexual history about you and your life. They ask questions that you may not be used to answering. Given that most folks find it embarrassing to talk about sex, it's even more important that you find a therapist who puts you at ease and with whom you can begin to talk freely.
Why do people seek sex therapy?
Over the course of a person's lifetime stress, trauma, illness, the side effects of medications, depression and lack of self-esteem can often negatively impact a person’s sexual functioning and desire. It is not uncommon for couples and individuals to experience sex-related challenges at some point in their lives. Everybody deserves to experience satisfying, exciting, loving and fulfilling sexual relationships and sexual contact and sex therapy can often help.
Who goes to sex therapy?
This list is not exhaustive, but some of the people who attend sex therapy are:
* Heterosexual men and women, singles or couples
* Gay, lesbian bisexual, transgendered and intersex individuals and couples
* Busy and exhausted parents who can't seem to find time for intimacy
* People in their 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's and beyond who have questions about their sexual functioning
* Sexual abuse survivors who want to have fulfilling sexual lives, but feel haunted by their past
* People re-entering the dating world after divorce or death of a long-time partner
* People in their early twenties who are embarking on their first serious sexual relationship
* Married men who cross-dress and whose wives either (a) don't know that they are married to cross-dressers or (b) have found out that their partners are cross-dressers and are scared, and/or confused and/or angry and/or upset.
* People who are sexually compulsive and feel that their compulsions are out of control.
* Individuals in a heterosexual relationship or marriage who are beginning to question their sexual orientation.
What kinds of problems do people want help with?
Some of the issues that sex therapy can help with are as follows:
* Difficulties either getting and/or keeping an erection
* Difficulties maintaining control of ejaculation or trouble with “timing”
* Inability to orgasm either alone or with a partner
* Finding the ability to relax and enjoy sexual activity a challenge
* Lack or loss of sexual desire
* Feelings of embarrassment or shame about your body and sexual functioning
* Painful intercourse (known as Dyspareunia)
* Involuntary spasming of the vagina (known as Vaginismus)
* History of sexual abuse, rape or threatened sexual trauma
* Intimacy and relationship problems that are affecting your sexual relationship
* When feeling bad about your body is negatively affecting your sexual life
* When you've been faking orgasms because you're too embarrassed or ashamed to talk about your difficulty climaxing
* When you find yourself passing on having sex with your partner because it's difficult to get and/or maintain erections
* You're so worried about "performing" that you avoid sexual intimacy
* Since having a baby, you're less interested in sex
* You want sex frequently and your partner isn't interested
* You don't want to have sex and you feel like your partner is constantly bugging you about it
* You feel like you spend too much time thinking or fantasizing about sex
* Having sex is painful and you feel hopeless about ever freely enjoying it
* You have questions about your sexuality and don't know who to ask
* Your partner wants an "open" relationship and you're unsure if you can handle it or even want to try
What exactly is sex therapy?
List most other forms of psychotherapy, sex therapy is exclusively talk therapy, which involves meeting with a therapist on a regular basis to talk about how to overcome whatever problem a person has identified. In exchange, the sex therapist shares his or her knowledge of human sexuality and expertise in working with sexual functioning and relationship challenges. Sex therapists are trained to diagnose the psychological origins of sexual issues and work to find solutions. This will often mean collaborative relationships with physicians whose specialty is sexual medicine.
Once the ice is broken and people feel more comfortable asking me about the work I do, they frequently ask if sex therapy involves me touching my clients in some way. The answer is a resounding NO! Despite common misconceptions, sex therapy does NOT involve sexual or physical contact between therapist and client. (Masters and Johnson used sex surrogates in their pioneering work in the 50's but this practice has long since been discontinued.) Sex therapy NEVER involves nudity, sexual contact or sexual touch between the client(s) and the sex therapist.
As with any form of therapeutic relationship, an ability to feel comfortable with a therapist is half the battle. Most sex therapists, including myself, take an extensive sexual history about you and your life. They ask questions that you may not be used to answering. Given that most folks find it embarrassing to talk about sex, it's even more important that you find a therapist who puts you at ease and with whom you can begin to talk freely.
posted by Jassy @ 12:15 AM
7 Comments:
At 11:06 AM,
Medicoglia, RN said…
How common is it for sexual abuse servivors to not have problems until after they start dealing with their memories?
At 4:55 PM,
Jassy said…
Hi there Fallen Angels:
It is common for sexual abuse survivors to have problems even before they have memory recall. This question deserves a longer response than I'm going to post for right now. But for the moment, let me just say that given that one of the things that adult and child abuse survivors have to deal with is the trauma caused by the sexual molestation, it is my belief that the trauma is imprinted on people in the form of behaviors, even if they don't recall the abuse. How people respond to this trauma depends on many factors. But the way that people's linoleum gets grooved varies dramatically. Some folks respond by being sexually avoidant, some folks become sexually promiscuous - some folks don't want to be sexual but don't know how to say no. Some people want to be sexual, but can't say yes. Nearly everybody who has been sexually abused has a little voice inside their heads that tells them they have no sexual rights when it comes to ownership of their bodies, and decisions that they make about their bodies. The good news is that sexual abuse survivors, despite early experiences of sexual trauma, can and do go on to build safe, trusting and enjoyable sexual relationships.
At 11:55 PM,
Anonymous said…
hmmm do you mind answering questions? if you do then please disregard this one, if you dont then this is something I have wondered about for a long time. Are those that practice BDSM ill or dysfunctional in some way or is really just a preference as they say?
At 10:07 AM,
Jassy said…
This is a good question and I feel fine about answering it. Clinicians vary wildly in their opinions about BDSM, so please bear in mind that this is just MY opinion. I am not speaking for all sex therapists. Having said that, my belief is that any sexual activity between consenting adults is fine, if the name of the game is sexual pleasure. The people that I have worked with who are engaged in "kinky" sex, place a high value on communication, safety and consent - possibly more so than many non-kinky couples, where often the actual act of being sexual is not discussed at all. In contrast, my insight into the BDSM culture and communities suggest that they consider the issue of consent to be paramount. One client told me that if you are new to the BDSM scene, other people will often warn you of people who do not respect the rules of consent. Such people are ostracised at BDSM events and discouraged from participating in groups and parties.
The DSM IV TR (the "bible" used by many therapists as a benchmark for diagnosis of mental health "disorders") considers BDSM a paraphilia, or abnormal sexual activity. I hope that at some point this will be revoked.
So, no, I don't consider people who practice BDSM to be either ill or dysfunctional. It's just a sensual/sexual preference. I hope this answers your question. I
At 4:52 PM,
Anonymous said…
you did answer it- thank you very much
At 10:58 PM,
Extenze Review said…
Over the course of a person's lifetime stress, trauma, illness, the side effects of medications, depression and lack of self-esteem can often negatively impact a person’s sexual functioning and desire.
At 11:44 PM,
Unknown said…
You might feel ashamed or demoralized. You may have difficulty trusting and fear for the relationship.sexcoaching.com.au
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