Health At Any Size

I come from a long line of short, strong women ranging in size from voluptuous, to chubby-to-fat in girth, without exception sporting large breasts and wide hips. The women in my family live well into their late 80's and early 90's, with few health problems other than sore joints and seasonal colds. We have always eaten well and heartily. My own mother, nearly 79, still works out at the gym a few times a week, does numerous laps in the Olympic size pool there, still does her own home repairs, and likes to regularly go belly-dancing with my sister. For her 77th birthday, she went rappelling down the side of a 200 foot building and sent me the photos framed as a birthday present. She says she'd like to go hang gliding sometime in the next year or so. She shows no signs of slowing down yet. And she's for sure no light-weight.

If you've seen my photo, you'll know that I have not let the maternal side down. I'm most definitely fat. I tried not to be for years, but I am. That's just me. "Porky of bod," to quote an old friend (and I've come to love that expression) and it doesn't seem to change, no matter what I've managed to do to artificially shape-shift through dieting and (many, many years ago) a not-so-charming eating disorder. It never lasts and I'm miserable while I'm trying, so I've stopped. But I eat healthily and well for the most part, although I am planning to exercise more than I do. I'm in a sedentary occupation, with broken knees (a double knee replacement is in my future) and despite my occasional earlier incarnations as a gym-and-beach-bunny, in my nearly mid 50's I'm beginning to come to terms with the fact that this is just me - who I am - a fat (yes folks, it's just an adjective) therapist with above average intelligence, a big heart and a fairly healthy constitution.

I believe in "health at any size." I don't consider that being fat condemns people to a lifetime of diabetes and heart-disease, and I think that making healthy food choices is important because we only get one body and it's good to honor the one we get. Exercise is important for the same reason. (I'm not going to fight with folks about this - go look at Kate Harding's blog - she's written about this far better than I ever could.) I know that my perspective is an unpopular one, but I also think that time and adequate research will prove what most size-acceptance activists already know - it ain't that bad to be fat, if you are eating well and moving your bones regularly!

My granddaughter is 9 years old. A huge fan of Beyonce, Hilary Duff, Miley Cyrus and Fergie she sings along with her mother in the car, as the radio blares. Most of the words are beyond her understanding, but she's beginning to comprehend the idea that it's important to be "sexy" and that for some reason having the right kind of body is important. She's heard that being bootylicious is good, but fat is bad, although with a size-acceptance grandmother, she understands that laughing at fat people is not kosher and despite this, sadly, I have overheard her occasionally as she succumbs to the use of mockery, the chosen tool of most oppressors, when she sees fat people, young or old, on TV. For right now, she's a gymnast, muscular, slender, strong and lithe. And like many women who walk through my office door each day, she's confused. If bootylicious is good and "shaking your jelly" a la Beyonce is fine, where is the line between that and being overweight or fat?

"Are you bootylicious?" she asks my daughter the other day.
"Why yes, I suppose I am!" says my daughter, herself curvy with ample "toppage."
"Will I be bootylicious?" asks granddaughter, a furrow forming between her eyebrows.
My daughter, contemplating her own heritage, replies "Yes, sweetie, you will be bootylicious sometime in the near future."

Granddaughter is relieved, but I believe she's still confused. I think she's wondering how on earth you maintain bootyliciousness without sliding into fatness?

I can't think of one single female client I've had who hasn't, at some point, talked about the same confusion, and complained about the body they're in. Occasionally a man will talk half-heartedly about "getting in shape" but it's rare that they exhibit the same self-hatred as the women. Some women won't have sex for fear of their partner seeing their bodies. Some won't allow their photograph to be taken because they can't stand to see themselves. Some give up on big damn lives because of the body they have, the self-hatred they have and the flesh on their bones. Some won't go for walks, won't go swimming, don't go dancing even though they really want to, don't pursue relationship because they don't consider themselves desirable, lovable, sexy and attractive. Some of them count each calorie,and live lives of numeric and caloric turmoil as a result. Some of them have had weight-loss surgery, despite the health and morbidity risks attached. Few of them will make eye-contact with me as they talk about their hatred of their bodies. I try to reassure them that it's fine to talk about with me. However, if you're looking for diet support, I'm not a good person to come to. I encourage my clients to do what I try to do as best I can. Live as big a life as you can without being so concerned with the shell you're living it in. Eat healthily and heartily and stop when you've had enough and are full. Have sex. Get wet in a swim pool. Get mad when somebody tells you that you don't have a right to a life of joy, excitement, companionship, sexy times until you've changed your body size. This is your one shot at life in the body you have.