Big Penis Guy
Okay, now that I've grabbed your attention....
I got an email this morning asking me if I ever get prank calls from people about being a sex therapist, so I thought I'd post an (almost) verbatim reconstruction of a phone call I had with a man a few months ago. I'm going to call him "Big Penis Guy." Here's how the call went down:
Telephone: :::: brrring:::::brrring:::
Jassy: Good Morning, this is Jassy Timberlake.
BPG: Oh, good morning, Dr. Timberlake (Editor's note: I am not a doctor.)
Jassy: Actually, although I am a licensed psychotherapist, I'm not credentialed as a doctor. But I understand the confusion. How may I help you?
BPG: Um... yes, I hope so. You are a sex therapist, right?
Jassy: Yes, I am. Would you like to tell me what brings you to contact a psychotherapist at this time?
BPG: Well, if you have time...My fiancee and I are having some problems. We've been together for 5 years, and would like to get married, but our sexual life has been problematic. It's kinda embarrassing to talk about.
Jassy: I understand that. I don't know how comfortable I would be talking about my sex life to a complete stranger either. Would you like to give me an idea as to what appears to be the problem between you and your fiancee? Nine times out of ten I can be helpful to couples who are having sexual problems, but occasionally there are other professionals who can be more helpful.
BPG: Well, my fiancee is a very petite woman, and she really enjoys having sex with me, but says that my penis hurts her and is too big. I'm scared of injuring her.
Jassy: Hmm...do you feel that you and your fiancee are able to talk about this issue or are you having problems communicating your thoughts and feelings?
BPG: It seems to be that my penis is too big, and she just can't handle it.
Jassy: I understand that. Do you think she would be willing to come into therapy with you to talk about this issue? I frequently do an informational session with couples to see if I can be of help. There is no charge to you and spending time talking to both of you will help me to ascertain the best treatment plan and future course of action.
BPG: Do you hear of other couples where the man has an enormous penis that hurts his girlfriend?
Jassy: Well, it's not a frequent problem, but from time to time the issue arises and there are usually strategies that a couple can use to help. May I ask what strategies you have used so far?
BPG: It's kind of embarrassing to talk about having a gigantic penis, and I'm reluctant to talk about it with her.
Jassy: It's not uncommon for people to find it hard to talk about sex. Sometimes talking about it with a therapist can help in terms of facilitating the conversation.
BPG: Yes, but it's really huge and I don't know if there's a solution. It's probably one of the biggest penises on record.
Jassy: Hmm. You know what. I think you're probably right. I also think that your penis is probably too big for me too. I recommend that you call this number and see if they can help. Meanwhile, thanks for calling me.
(I gave him the Watertown Police Station Business Number.)
I got an email this morning asking me if I ever get prank calls from people about being a sex therapist, so I thought I'd post an (almost) verbatim reconstruction of a phone call I had with a man a few months ago. I'm going to call him "Big Penis Guy." Here's how the call went down:
Telephone: :::: brrring:::::brrring:::
Jassy: Good Morning, this is Jassy Timberlake.
BPG: Oh, good morning, Dr. Timberlake (Editor's note: I am not a doctor.)
Jassy: Actually, although I am a licensed psychotherapist, I'm not credentialed as a doctor. But I understand the confusion. How may I help you?
BPG: Um... yes, I hope so. You are a sex therapist, right?
Jassy: Yes, I am. Would you like to tell me what brings you to contact a psychotherapist at this time?
BPG: Well, if you have time...My fiancee and I are having some problems. We've been together for 5 years, and would like to get married, but our sexual life has been problematic. It's kinda embarrassing to talk about.
Jassy: I understand that. I don't know how comfortable I would be talking about my sex life to a complete stranger either. Would you like to give me an idea as to what appears to be the problem between you and your fiancee? Nine times out of ten I can be helpful to couples who are having sexual problems, but occasionally there are other professionals who can be more helpful.
BPG: Well, my fiancee is a very petite woman, and she really enjoys having sex with me, but says that my penis hurts her and is too big. I'm scared of injuring her.
Jassy: Hmm...do you feel that you and your fiancee are able to talk about this issue or are you having problems communicating your thoughts and feelings?
BPG: It seems to be that my penis is too big, and she just can't handle it.
Jassy: I understand that. Do you think she would be willing to come into therapy with you to talk about this issue? I frequently do an informational session with couples to see if I can be of help. There is no charge to you and spending time talking to both of you will help me to ascertain the best treatment plan and future course of action.
BPG: Do you hear of other couples where the man has an enormous penis that hurts his girlfriend?
Jassy: Well, it's not a frequent problem, but from time to time the issue arises and there are usually strategies that a couple can use to help. May I ask what strategies you have used so far?
BPG: It's kind of embarrassing to talk about having a gigantic penis, and I'm reluctant to talk about it with her.
Jassy: It's not uncommon for people to find it hard to talk about sex. Sometimes talking about it with a therapist can help in terms of facilitating the conversation.
BPG: Yes, but it's really huge and I don't know if there's a solution. It's probably one of the biggest penises on record.
Jassy: Hmm. You know what. I think you're probably right. I also think that your penis is probably too big for me too. I recommend that you call this number and see if they can help. Meanwhile, thanks for calling me.
(I gave him the Watertown Police Station Business Number.)
posted by Jassy @ 12:19 PM
11 Comments:
At 10:50 PM,
Medicoglia, RN said…
Was he actually using proper language? I think that makes it all the more rediculous!
At 10:52 PM,
Medicoglia, RN said…
HAHAHA...word verification was "quirk"...this guys fixation on the size of his penis, just a quirk or a disorder? lol
At 2:20 AM,
Jassy said…
Yes, he actually was using proper language. What I didn't include in the writing of this conversation was the emphasis he placed on the word "penis" which should have been written as PENIS!!!! along with the various adjectives he used to describe it. His tone was not initially salacious, but definitely became more so throughout the conversation. I started out being open to treating this as a serious inquiry, and by 3/4 of the way through the conversation, realized that he just really wanted to shock me about the size of his member, because I couldn't get him to talk about anything meaningful about his relationship to his fiancee.
At 10:47 AM,
Anonymous said…
Ahhh, the things I used to do in college.
At 1:12 PM,
Dori said…
This is *so* funny. I wonder if he did end up calling the police ...
At 9:14 PM,
Anonymous said…
How stupid. Yeah I'm sure he did call the police.
At 4:09 AM,
Anonymous said…
Hey Jassy, I was reading your blog and came across this entry - yuck!!!!!! What a creep!
At 12:23 AM,
Cie Cheesemeister said…
Perhaps he was trying to call the director of a porn film that he'd heard would be filming in his area!
At 8:05 PM,
Jassy said…
Cheesemeister, I suspect he was getting his "jollies" from the conversation, which ended far too abruptly for his liking. I think that if the conversation had continued for a few more minutes, his breathing would have become heavier. As it was, I cut him off at the pass, so to speak.
At 1:28 PM,
Teacher lady said…
New here, and just have to say, that is SO annoying! I volunteered at our city's rape crisis hotline for two years. I ultimately left not because the legitimate calls were so upsetting, but because of the extreme number of calls that were probably a pervert's way of having phone sex for free! We had a guy who called for YEARS (before the advent of caller ID, of course), who was master of disguise (voices) and would talk about how "One time I sat on my aunt's lap and she tickled me until I peed" or whatever. He was big on "submission" scenarios. It's like, "Dude - pay your $4.99 a minute like everybody else and leave the line open for rape survivors!"
At 10:54 PM,
Enlarge Penis said…
The only indicator I've ever seen proof of is the one when a man's ring finger is longer than his index finger. My husband is not tall, and has consequently not large feet, and he has the biggest one I've ever seen. He does, however meet the #3 requirement, he has great self-esteem. Lucky me! I so wish this was an x rated site at times so we could get some real height, shoe size and girth comparisons lol I am a straight male but I would like to put these methods to rest once and for all so I can know how I am being judged.
Post a Comment
<< Home